Posts by troubled mind

21

You have to be strong

by troubled mind in

jw
friends

standing up for yourself,and deciding to follow your own path takes strength .

you have to be strong especially if you were raised in a way of life that dictated so much of who you were .

while being raised as a jehovah's witness i was taught to follow ,unquestionally follow .i was told to put others before myself ,serve,don't stand out ,don't be independent .

This past weekend I had a discussion with a relative that really got me thinking about how much I have changed over the past few years . The relative is in her late 60's and grew up in a JW family ,but she never got baptized herself . She married my husbands Uncle that is an atheist . None of their children are religious .She has continued over the years to read JW literature and to communicate with her JW reelatives ,but she has never attended meetings or conventions. So anyways we were alone for a few moments and I asked her if she thought there was anything I could do to open up better communication with my Witness In Laws (that she is very close to)

She said, " No I don't think there is anything you can do ...you know they were very hurt when you left the Witnesses ,and I was really hurt too !"........This took me by surprise ...Why in the world should she be hurt ? I said to her why I could no longer practice something I did not believe to be true ,and she cut me short and said ,"Well I believe it is the truth " ....Very confusing to me that she admits this yet does not pratice the religion whatsoever ,she has always celebrated birthdays ,holidays .

But this is how I know I have grown ....A few yrs ago I would have been crushed to know I had caused someone to feel hurt .I would have accepted all blame and done whatever I could to make it better . However now I handled and processed the information quite differently . I listened to her then said ,"Well I know for my husband and I we have made the best decision for our happiness.I researched and found what I used to believe was not based on truth ,but changing mens opinions. My husband is no longer moody and depressed ,but actively enjoying his life and really happy . I am sorry his Mom is misssing out seeing that ."

I did not apologize for our choices ,and I did not accept any blame . She still treats us kindly and welcomes us to her home ,but it was so very strange to know how she reallly feels underneath .

Years ago I had a therapist try to get through to me that I am not responsible for other peoples feelings ,and I could just never commprehend what he was trying to teach me . Finally I think I understand ,and I realize I can not change anyone but myself .

As time passes you start to see the progress of leaving cult like thinking behind . It is quite the journey .

21

You have to be strong

by troubled mind in

jw
friends

standing up for yourself,and deciding to follow your own path takes strength .

you have to be strong especially if you were raised in a way of life that dictated so much of who you were .

while being raised as a jehovah's witness i was taught to follow ,unquestionally follow .i was told to put others before myself ,serve,don't stand out ,don't be independent .

troubled mind

Standing up for yourself,and deciding to follow your own path takes strength . You have to be strong especially if you were raised in a way of life that dictated so much of who you were . While being raised as a Jehovah's Witness I was taught to follow ,unquestionally follow .I was told to put others before myself ,serve,don't stand out ,don't be independent . Be molded and remain with in the group . To finally pull yourself from this life long concept of living is difficult .

I appreciate every personal story told here over the past ten yrs . I have learned so much here on this forum . I think we all have a deep inner strength to be free ,to live the life we truly want to live. This strength must be tapped into though, because it lays deep ,under many taught behaviors ,and unfortunate concepts that hold us back .

I am thankful this forum exists as a sounding board ,and a place to vent . I have also read stories or had comments made that really made me think .There were times, I admit, I felt sometimes comments stepped on my toes ,but I kept coming back and eventually learned there are more than one way to look at matters . Slowly my naive JW thinking began to peel away ,and I began using the critical thinking skills I never knew I had .

When I was a Witness there were so many times that I just rolled over, and did anything to please others no matter how I was affected . I often would just think I was wrong ,and everyone else was right . I felt like a doormat .

I find now I no longer have those old feelings (well most of the time) I think I have been helped immensely because of the diverse conversations on this forum .

If you are new on here give it some time . Realize it is a process of healing after you leave the Witness lifestyle. You will have saddness,anger ,moments of doubt even guilt . Over time you slowly can see good things too . Like just the pure joy of freedom of thought . Happiness instead of constant feelings of guilt over not doing enough .

Every circumstance is different .Learn to take what you can use and leave the rest . One size does not fit all ....but at least you now can find the fit or try on several things until the fit is comfortable .

I just felt like posting tonight hoping to encourage anyone out there struggling not to give up .Keep reading ,keep questioning until you feel you are in the place you want to be .

Thank you so much Simon for providing this avenue of discussion .

19

2015 XMAS CARD EXCHANGE

by blondie in

jw
friends

if you pm a mailing address and your name of choice, i can gather together a list and send it to your e-mail or pm you by december 10.. love, blondie.

.

troubled mind

Me too !

73

Elders removed in Northern PA. Congregation

by ToesUp in

jw
friends

a close family member just informed me what happened during their last c.o.

visit.

this occurred 3 months ago.

troubled mind

This happened in the congregation I was apart of in the 1980's. The Elder body was removed except one, and then a trouble shooter from NY was sent to whip everyone back into shape . Basically gossip ,and a 'Jezebel spirit "were the issues. An Elders wife manipulated the body ,and a feud insued .(Her husband ,son, son in law , Step-Father were all Elders ,and she was the puppeteer )

The Elder from NY was a HUGE company man ,and crushed any free spirit around .It was an awful time .

53

How did your family react when you made it known that you did not want to be a JW anymore?

by Yondaime in

please share your experiences..

troubled mind

I never made any huge announcement ,just stopped attending . It took awhile ,but uber sister in law,and Elder Brother in law completely shun us in .We have never been asked by them why we stopped attending . I imagine they have heard juicy gossip,and have made their decisions based on that .

Mother in law asked me early on if we had stopped attending (they live far away from us) She was upset when I told her we had stopped ...she wanted details such as ' had someone stumbled us' ....at that time I just told her I wanted to be happy and I wasn't going to allow the opinons of some group of men to dictate how I lived my life any longer.I then told her the rest was personal and not up to discussion . She and Elder step Father see us once a year ,and will answer my phone calls ,but they no longer initiate any contact on their own .

My Witness sister doesn't shun me because she depends on me for care occasionaly,and just asks that I don't talk to her about her beliefs .That is all she has to hold on to, and doesn't want the illusion to end .I can respect that even though I don't agree.

My Witness brother and his family cut us off once they noticed we were no longer attending .I had a phone call this spring from him after 4 yrs of complete silence . He said he wanted to touch base ,then talked 10 minutes about himself (yay he is sober now)....he ended the call by reminding me he could not have a personal relationship with me or my disassociated older Brother . I will be using caller ID next time .

Neices and Nephews are a mixed bag sometimes they will wave and say Hi in public other times they shun .Who knows ,but we always smile and acknowledge them .

It did surprise me how no one realy wants to know why we left all they know is that we did. For the first couple of yrs they all thought I was evil and had tricked my husband to leave too . Once he started decorating for holidays they have had to accept he can think on his own .

24

Just saw the new JW.org sign on the local KH sign

by Still Totally ADD in

jw
friends

i work about a block from the local kh and i notice there was no jw.org sign on it.

i said to my wife are they not following the cults rules on this.

will just yesterday as i was driving home from work there it was on the corner of the kh sign jw.org it was about 1 foot x 1 foot in size.

troubled mind

The local hall here has had their blue JW.org sign up for a while now . It sticks out like a sore thumb ....bright blue sign against traditional brick ....looks tacky to me . Also noticed there has been a major remodel going on for several weeks now . Big tent set up in the parking lot ,with trailers and full parking lot on the weekends . Saw some JWs in the paint aisle in Walmart with official JW name tags on (must have to wear ID while working the remodels now ?

70

Feeling sad over a wasted life in watchtower

by wannaexit in

jw
friends

it's been 12 years since i first read ray franz's books and the scales came off my eyes.

by that time i was in my forties.. since 2002 i went back to school and have worked with 3 very professional organizations.

but my biological clock is ticking away and while my peers are looking forward to retirement, i am only beginning.

troubled mind

Thank You Wannaexit for making your heartfelt post !

This is why I still visit this site .It is the only place I can go ,that I know others will truly understand what it is like to have a life experience as we all have had . I too have days when I look back ,and get sad,angry over the lost years spent being loyal to a cult .

I was raised a JW ,and did not leave until I was 44yrs old . At that time my own kids were growing up ,and starting out on their own. I just could not in good conscience tell them to spend their lives as I had .I wanted more for my kids than I had . I am thankful all three of them are living life free from the indoctrination .

41

If you have been inactive for over a year can you get disfellowshipped?

by cognac in

jw
friends

i've read conflicting things so was hoping to get this clarified.. .

.

troubled mind

It is their club ,their rules . They do whatever they want . We had been inactive for three yrs . they came by and invited us to a JC meeting ....what was that about ? I think it really depends on the Elder body and the size of the congregation .Small KH are way more involved in the peoples lives than big city ones .

5

Happy Halloween From Troubledmind

by troubled mind in

jw
friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekcpscmpfh0.

this was my husbands costume yesterday !

hahaha he cracks me up .

troubled mind

This is how we should follow the local JWs going door to door . I can put a Watchtower in his hand .nn

5

Happy Halloween From Troubledmind

by troubled mind in

jw
friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekcpscmpfh0.

this was my husbands costume yesterday !

hahaha he cracks me up .